Topic: Extended Family, Spousal Relations

As-Salaam Wa Alaykum
I am writing on behalf of my parents who are in a very difficult situation. We are originally from Pakistan and unfortunately have many Indian HINDU ceremonies. When my parents married 30yrs ago my mum's father did not give enough dowry to my dad. As a result, my mum's father in-law took my mums daughter as an infant before my parents moved to UK. This caused a lot of pain and grief -- constant tension. Twenty-four years later, my dad's father passes away and my grandma cannot take control of my sister. So my dad is forced to bring her back to UK.

She has been brain washed into hating all of us (remaining two sisters and one brother). My father does not treat her as one of us i.e., kids but almost like a second wife. Both of them made my mums life a living nightmare, as result my mum had a heart attack three weeks ago. Even then, my father hasn't changed and lives with my sister separately as she refuses to live with my mum and rest of us. The situation is getting bad from worse.

My mum resents her husband, as does he. My father completed Hajj yet still hasn't changed a bit - he infect became worse - still swearing a lot especially to my nanna (mums father) who is dead and gets on all of our nerves. Please help.
Allah Hafiz

Dear brother/sister

May Allah guide your father and touch his heart so he may come back to his sense, and also may Allah bless your mother with ease heart.

Brother/sister, this is not an issue that can be resolved by email. You need to talk to an Imam in your area. Your father absolutely needs consultation. Contact an Imam in your area and detail him on this matter, it is a very terrible one. Allah hafiz.

Topic: Teen Age, Spousal Relations, Hijab

 Assallamu allaikum,

I will be asking quite a few questions, I hope you can answer for me. Your response to my last question was I should not be with a non-practicing Muslim, my husband. I didn’t tell you that I never used to be a practicing Muslimah, actually I was a very disturbed, rebellious person who has committed many major sins more than once.

 Thank God I have been guided to the right track. I didn’t know much about my religion. I was Canadian born and raised in Canada. My dad was not and still he is not a practicing Muslim. My mother started practicing but by then I had gone down the wrong road. She was more concerned about traditional things like people talking about me so I rebelled even more. The more bad I did, the happier I was.  But now I feel very ashamed and I really regret my past.  I just wish I were born all over again to do it right.

 I have repented, would it be accepted because I did it many times? Also will it be accepted even though I am a woman?  Is it worse for women to sin than men? 

 I have totally changed my life around. I have two young children also and I am insha-Allah having them follow in my present footsteps. I now wear hijab, jilbab or long skirts.  I don’t listen to music or watch TV.  I read a lot about my religion, I read the Qura'n.  I don’t miss any prayers; I wake up for night prayers and fajr.  My husband complains not only to me but also to other people that I have become obsessed. Does he have a right to say that? He doesn’t even pray and when my daughter who is six asks him, he tells her that I am too tired. I speak up at that time and tell her no, he just doesn’t want to. I don’t want her to use that as an excuse. I am already training her to pray with me.

 He believes our religion is black or white, not gray. So we either do everything or don’t do anything. He was even against me on wearing my hijab.  His reason? It will ruin his business if his restaurant customers saw me. Now I am not allowed to be seen in front of his restaurant, that's just fine with me.

 He does know lots about the religion at least he claims to. He can actually quote things from the Qura'n. I don’t understand it because when I tell him you know so much, why don’t you pray? He tells me to mind my own business, and that he has Iman in his heart and that’s all he needs.  Should I keep trying or do I just leave him alone about it all?

 Also I wish to put both of my children in a full time Islamic school but my husband says it is not necessary, on the contrary it is. I don’t want them to make any mistakes that I made. He says may be he won’t be able to afford it, so is it permissible for me to work and pay for them to go to the school?

 Also every time we go to a family picnic and it’s time to pray, his sisters who also are not practicing Muslims always say that Sheik says women are not allowed to pray outside.  What should I do? I thought, no matter what, prayers have to be prayed on time. Can I pray in the car in this case? Thank you very much for taking the time. I know it was very long but I just don’t know who to ask questions. My husband tells me I only need to read the Qura'n and Sunnah and that’s how I will learn. Also I shouldn’t trust anyone else or any other books because we don’t know if they are true. He tells me that but when I ask him a question, we always fight because he says we don’t agree on the same things and when it comes to religion he doesn’t want to discuss it with me but doesn’t want me to ask anyone else. What should I do? Please help me. I don’t have his support almost in anything. He is more concerned about making money and watching movies.

 Sister in Islam

Assalamu Alaykum

 May Allah (ST) continue to guide us and you and whoever seeking guidance from Him. First of all, there is no difference between male and female in terms of punishment for a sin committed by one of them, or rewarding for a righteous deed done by one of them. Both are equal in the sight of Allah in terms of giving reward or punishment. I would like you to know that any kind of sin one committed then repented to Allah, He (Allah) would forgive him. So Alhamdu liAllah that, Allah has helped you to come back to Him.

  Apparently, you are having a big problem with your husband. My advice to you is to be patient with him for a while, asking Allah to guide him as He guided you. But don't obey him in doing anything non-Islamic.

Tell him you can never, never take of your hijab and wear non-Islamic cloth. If he doesn't want you to come to his restaurant for that reason is ok, don't go. Don't listen to what he said in terms of asking

 scholars some Islamic questions. Contact me if you have any problem. We pray to Allah to make your Iman stronger than it was before and guide your husband to the right path. 

 Topic: Spousal Relations

 I am Muslim, married and I know that when the husband wants pleasure the women cannot refuse because that is his right and that the angels will curse her until the morning. I want to know if the husband watches dirty movies (he is not religious, he doesn’t ever pray, but I am a practicing Muslim) do I still have to obey him in that sense? I do not watch that stuff and I hate when he does, but he says it’s his business what he wants to watch.

  Dear sister

I pray to Allah to help you. Basically you should marry a religious person as the Prophet instructed us, but it seems to me that you have been pressured to marry to your non-practicing Muslim. According to what you indicated to me if you deny him bed angels will not curse you. How can he disobey his Allah and Allah will curse you because of him?

 Pray to Allah to touch his heart so he would becoming a good practicing Muslim. Remind him with Allah and the fact that he will die sooner or later and you want him to be your husband in the Jannah etc.

 Topic: Spousal Relations

 Assallamu allaikum, I am a practising muslimah, but my spouse is not.  He doesn’t pray.  I am aware that if a husband signals his wife to bed she has to accept otherwise the angels will curse her until morning but I want to know if the husband is watching dirty movies and then comes to her mostly while she is sleeping and wants something she still has to obey?

 Dear Muslimah,

Whoever disobeys the Prophet's instruction or his command he or she has brought destruction to him/her- self especially in the matter of marriage. The Prophet has warned us against marrying non-practicing man/woman. According to what you communicated to me, you should not marry the brother until he becomes a practicing Muslim. If he refuses to practice Islam, then pray to Allah to bless you with a good Muslim. Indeed Allah will accept your prayer, because the Prophet told us that " whoever leaves something for the sake of Allah, He will bless him/her with better than that which he/she leaves".

 Basically, marriage is based upon understanding. If a wife is tired or slept, I think a reasonable husband would not approach her for sex, if he wants to have a sex she should nicely explain to him that, she is tired. If he still demands she should allow him.       

Topic: Spousal Relations

 Living with a wife who does not love the husband."The situation described below is happening in an arranged marriage which is 7 years old with mutual feelings in the first year, with not much feelings for the next 5+ years but now at least strong emotional feeling from the husband side. There were never major fights. The wife now does not feel attracted to nor loves the husband. She feels because she wanted a tall man and because the hobbies and interests were so different she never had that strong feelings to begin with. Whatever feelings she had, they died with time because the husband did not care for her interests and hobbies. The husband though not tall is still attractive, but not according to her definitions.  The woman who has children got emotionally (not physically) involved with another man with children about 5 months ago for a month, who has similar hobbies and interests and is tall and is attractive according to her definitions. Both families new each other and met regularly for the last year and a half. The women confessed to her husband, does not maintain future contact, but continues to have very strong feelings for the other man. She is not comfortable to leave the family because of children, getting a bad reputation, concerns for parents feelings, some love/loyalty for her husband.  However, at the same time she is unable to develop feelings of complete love towards her husband because her mind is preoccupied and her first feelings in marriage were also not very strong. The husband now loves her a lot, and handled the situation with understanding and compassion rather than anger and is trying for the last four months to participate fully in her interests and hobbies and does not want to leave her because he loves her and is more scared of the impact of divorce on the children and thus is very uncomfortable of it. The wife thinks that if they live in the same city and can share the children there should not be much impact. The husband is however concerned that he is forcing his wife to live in a state of sin. Is emotional feelings towards someone outside the marriage is a sin even when the person does not maintain any contacts?

a.      Divorce her now so that she looks like a victim rather than him looking a victim and thus the decision is made easy for her.

b. Continue loving and caring for her for a fixed period of time (like a year) and if feelings do not develop strongly from the wife then give her a divorce.

c.      Continue loving and caring for her always regardless of whether feelings develop strongly from the wife or not. 

Among the three choices outlined above which one should the husband choose and why? if there is another approach what should it be?

Dear brother

My advice to you is to divorce her. How can you live with someone whose feelings and emotion are with someone else? Don't you have "GHIRAH"? Integrity and self-respect?  Having ghirah is a part of essential characteristics of a believer.  Your wife has no right to cheat on you because you didn't meet her dream.

Topic: Spousal Relations, Reverting to Islam

 Asalaamu alaikum,

I am afraid I have a difficult and delicate conflict, and I am not sure how to handle it. I have tried myself to find direction on this in the Qur’an and sunnah, but to no avail. I recently reverted to Islam, and subsequently separated from my husband, who ridiculed me frequently about my blessed discovery.  Our marriage was already irretrievably broken down, and had been for some time, in fact, we had separated thrice already with the intention of divorce, but guilt and insecurity caused me to reconcile at his request.  At the same time of my separation, I lost my job, which ironically, was the vehicle, which Allah (swt) used to guide me to the Straight path.  I am now struggling with feelings of alienation (my best friend a strong Christian abandoned our friendship) and total aloneness, and I am a new muslimah! I am very strong in Iman right at this moment, therefore, I don’t worry too much for myself, but my problem is the following: I have three daughters, ages 12, 8, and 2.  My daughters are obedient, well adjusted girls and when I first started my quest into Islam, they were quite curious themselves, and my oldest even learned Arabic prayers with me. But, upon hearing their father, and others reject Islam so adamantly, and ridicule me for embracing it; they are showing extreme reluctance to attend Islamic Sunday School, or show any interest in Islam. I am particularly worried about my 12 year old; as she is entering that age where it seems all American youth begin to go astray. I want desperately to save her, but I don’t want to force anything, as I am afraid it will have a counter productive impact.

I hope you can help.

 Sister in Islam, Assalmu Alaykum

You really need help.

The best assistance I can offer to you at this moment is What Allah says about His sunnah (established cause or system)  concerning those who are struggling to be good practicing Muslims, and the history of the converted Companions (Sahaba). In chapter 29 v.1-4 Allah says (Alif Laam Miim, Do people think that they will be left alone to claim that they believe, and that they will not be tested? And We did try those who were before them. So Allah will assuredly, know those who are truthful and will assuredly, know the liars). 

Topic: Spousal Relation:

1)Should I obey my husband in not wearing Khimar?

 Assalamu Alaykum,

I have a couple of questions.

I wear hijab, I wear sometimes the regular that just covers the bosom and I also wear the qimar, the longer one. I am very comfortable wearing the qimar because it conceals more than the regular hijab. My problem once again is my husband, he doesn’t like the quimar because he says I look like those extremists. He says I only need to wear the normal hijab because that is what it says in the Qura'n. Do I have to listen to him? He is not a practicing Muslim like I have told you before.

 Also he is always mocking me saying I am from either the Ikhwan-ul-muslimeen or the salaafi, I keep telling him that I don’t belong to any group except that I want to follow the sunnah, he says I am already labeled by everybody because I get my information from these people. What is the ruling on groups? I thought we shouldn’t be in little groups? What do I tell my husband next time he mocks me?

Also I would like to do Hajj someday soon but I don’t work and my husbands money comes from selling pork and alcohol, can I still use it since I don’t have an income?

Also is he responsible for paying the alms, Zakat? He doesn’t and like I said I don’t have an income. What should I do? Because I don’t want to be punished for it.

Thank you again.

Dear sister in Islam

Assalamu Alaykum

May Almighty Allah continue to bless you and furnish your heart with light of truth. Qimar (khimar) is what Muslim ladies cover their hair and their bosom with.  Hijab, Islamically speaking, is a curtain, which Allah commanded the Prophet to set up in his house as a barrier between his wives and men. Thus, Men talked to them behind hijab. Jalbab is a long gown that Arab women wear when they go out. Muslim women can cover their bodies with any kind of clothe not necessarily Jalbab that Arab women wear.  Do not obey your husband or any one in disobeying Allah. 

Concerning going for Hajj and paying Zakat with your husband’s money, this is not allowed, since his source of income is haram. The Prophet (pbuh) said: ”Allah is pure and he does not accept but pure”.   However, he can give whatever money he wants to any Muslim or a relief organization. Were you aware of his source of income being from selling alcohol and pork before you married him ?  Sister, ask Allah sincerely to bless you with halal income.   Remind your husband to be mindful of Allah and advise him to give up the haram business. If he puts his trust in Allah, He will make a way out for him and bless him with something better.  

Extended family: My husband does not like my mother

1. She is my sister and the only child of her mom, who is my father’s wife (my aunt). Her husband doesn’t like her mom and she loves her mom too much. My father is too old and that was the reason that his new wife didn’t have too many kids. She is too patient and she is not from the same country of us but she took care of her daughter and now her son in low doesn’t like her wife to talk to her mom. So I want to know who is the one that my sister should take care more about her husband or her poor mom. Is this a reason that allows my sister to ask for divorce from her husband? 

Her husband want her to bring baby now and she didn’t want. My sister now is in the US with her husband for one year and she want to know if she can ask her husband to stay with her family during their break, cause the vacation is only 20 days, she has her mom and her so old dad. She wants to take care of them in this period.  Can she ask him for that or not? And in the same while she take care of him a lot in this year in the US and he says that so is it ok for her to spend the vacation with her family?

Jazakom Allah kheer atmnaa alrad fe asraa forsah?

Dear sister

Advise your sister to remind her husband about the rights of parents in Islam. Tell her to take care of her old mother.  She should not ask her husband for divorce.

Dear sister, your felling guilty for what you did is an indication of sincere repentance.   Allah loves those who repent to him.  My honest advice is not to tell your husband about what happened, and you should never allow any man to touch your body again. You have to stop feeling guilty. You have to sincerely repent to Allah and ask His forgiveness. May Allah help all of us to over come our shaytan.

3)The tragedy of un-Islamic dowry

As-Salaam Wa Alaykum

I am writing on behalf of my parents who are in a very difficult situation. We are originally from Pakistan and unfortunately have many Indian HINDU ceremonies. When my parents married 30yrs ago my mum's father did not give enough dowry to my dad. As a result, my mum's father in-law took my mums daughter as an infant before my parents moved to UK. This caused a lot of pain and grief -- constant tension. Twenty-four years later, my dad's father passes away and my grandma cannot take control of my sister. So my dad is forced to bring her back to UK. 

She has been brain washed into hating all of us (remaining two sisters and one brother).  My father does not treat her as one of us i.e., kids but almost like a second wife. Both of them made my mums life a living nightmare, as result my mum had a heart attack three weeks ago. Even then, my father hasn't changed and lives with my sister separately as she refuses to live with my mum and rest of us. The situation is getting bad from worse. 

My mum resents her husband, as does he. My father completed Hajj yet still hasn't changed a bit – he infect became worse - still swearing a lot especially to my nanna (mums father) who is dead and gets on all of our nerves.  Please help.

Allah Hafiz

 Dear brother/sister

 May Allah guide your father and touch his heart so he may come back to his senses and also, may Allah bless your mother with ease of heart.   This is not an issue that can be resolved by email.  You need to talk to an Imam in your area. Your father absolutely needs consultation.  Contact an Imam in your area and relate the details of this matter to him.  It is a very terrible one.  Allah hafiz.

4) My husband divorced me twice in front of imam

Assalaumu Alaikum,

I have a very complicated situation. While in prison my husband pronounced me divorced two times in front of the Imam and myself. I have completed my waiting period; actually it has been over a year. I had sought the divorce due to abuse and this is why my husband was/is in prison. He pleaded guilty to the abuse and confessed it to the Imam. After which he is now facing deportation but has applied for Asylum. Which Insha-Allah I think he is going to receive.

We have just recently spoken for the first time since he pronounced me divorced two times. He now says that since he did not pronounce it a third time we are still allowed to be married to one another and has expressed the desire to reunite. I was under the impression that when I completed my waiting period we were divorced and that it would become final. The Imam even gave me a divorce certificate. I admit that now, I have had some second thoughts about being divorced but need to know if we would be allowed Islamically to resume marriage relations? Was our divorce valid if he only pronounced it 2 times? If I married another brother would I be committing adultery? I am a bit confused about the divorce laws. Is it if he only pronounced the divorce twice, we are divorced but could remarry without me having to marry and divorce another brother first? Is it that because he only pronounced it twice and not 3 times we could remarry again? I have wanted to remarry, have not had an opportunity but now am afraid because I do not want to fall into any type of sin. Also, I am having second thoughts about my husband (ex-husband?).  Please advice me of my position.

JazakullahKhair.

Dear sister

First of all, I don’t know what you meant by ‘ he pronounced me divorced two times’.   Do you mean that he said: I divorce you two times or he pronounced the divorce two times in two different occasions?  In both cases, you can remarry your ex-husband, because he did not divorce you three times. However, If you meant that he said it two times i.e I divorce you two times, it is considered as one divorce. If he divorces you for the third time, then the divorce will become irrevocable.  You cannot  remarry him unless and until you get  married to someone else, have intercourse with him and then get divorced (without you planning to divorce your new husband  in order to return to your ex-husband).

5) Pray for your husband

Assallamu allaikum,

I will be asking quite a few questions, I hope you can answer for me. Your response to my last question was I should not be with a non-practicing Muslim, my husband. I didn’t tell you that I never used to be a practicing Muslimah, actually I was a very disturbed, rebellious person who has committed many major sins more than once.

Thank God I have been guided to the right track. I didn’t know much about my religion. I was Canadian born and raised in Canada. My dad was not and still he is not a practicing Muslim. My mother started practicing but by then I had gone down the wrong road. She was more concerned about traditional things like people talking about me so I rebelled even more. The more bad I did, the happier I was.  But now I feel very ashamed and I really regret my past.  I just wish I were born all over again to do it right. I have repented, would it be accepted because I did it many times? Also will it be accepted even though I am a woman?  Is it worse for women to sin than men? 

 I have totally changed my life around. I have two young children also and I am insha-Allah having them follow in my present footsteps. I now wear hijab, jilbab or long skirts.  I don’t listen to music or watch TV.  I read a lot about my religion, I read the Qura'n.  I don’t miss any prayers; I wake up for night prayers and fajr.  My husband complains not only to me but also to other people that I have become obsessed. Does he have a right to say that? He doesn’t even pray and when my daughter who is six asks him, he tells her that I am too tired. I speak up at that time and tell her no, he just doesn’t want to. I don’t want her to use that as an excuse. I am already training her to pray with me.  

He believes our religion is black or white, not gray. So we either do everything or don’t do anything. He was even against me on wearing my hijab.  His reason? It will ruin his business if his restaurant customers saw me. Now I am not allowed to be seen in front of his restaurant, that's just fine with me.

 He does know lots about the religion at least he claims to. He can actually quote things from the Qura'n. I don’t understand it because when I tell him you know so much, why don’t you pray? He tells me to mind my own business, and that he has Iman in his heart and that’s all he needs.  Should I keep trying or do I just leave him alone about it all?

 Also I wish to put both of my children in a full time Islamic school but my husband says it is not necessary, on the contrary it is. I don’t want them to make any mistakes that I made. He says may be he won’t be able to afford it, so is it permissible for me to work and pay for them to go to the school?

 Also every time we go to a family picnic and it’s time to pray, his sisters who also are not practicing Muslims always say that Sheik says women are not allowed to pray outside.  What should I do? I thought, no matter what, prayers have to be prayed on time. Can I pray in the car in this case? Thank you very much for taking the time. I know it was very long but I just don’t know who to ask questions. My husband tells me I only need to read the Qura'n and Sunnah and that’s how I will learn. Also I shouldn’t trust anyone else or any other books because we don’t know if they are true. He tells me that but when I ask him a question, we always fight because he says we don’t agree on the same things and when it comes to religion he doesn’t want to discuss it with me but doesn’t want me to ask anyone else. What should I do? Please help me. I don’t have his support almost in anything. He is more concerned about making money and watching movies.

 Sister in Islam

Assalamu Alaykum

 May Allah (ST) continue to guide you and all others seeking guidance from Him.   First of all, there is no difference between male and female in terms of punishment for a sin committed by either one of them, or in terms of reward for any righteous deeds done by them.   Both are equal in the sight of Allah in terms of giving reward or punishment. I would like you  to know that if someone repents sincerely to Allah for any kind of sin committed, He (Allah) promises to forgive.  So,  Alhamdu liAllah that, Allah has helped you to come back to Him.

 Apparently, you are having a big problem with your husband.  My advice to you is to be patient with him for a while, asking Allah to guide him as He guided you.  But don't obey him in doing anything non-Islamic. Tell him you can never take off your hijab and wear non-Islamic clothe.  If he doesn't want you to come to his restaurant for that reason, that’s o.k, don't go.  Don't listen to what he said regarding not asking Muslim scholars some Islamic questions. Contact me if you have any questions.  We pray to Allah to make your Iman stronger than it was before and guide your husband to the right path. 

6)Is it true that angels curse you when you deny your husband bed?

A) I am Muslim, married and I know that when the husband wants pleasure the women cannot refuse because that is his right and that the angels will curse her until the morning. I want to know if the husband watches dirty movies (he is not religious, he doesn’t ever pray, but I am a practicing Muslim) do I still have to obey him in that sense? I do not watch that stuff and I hate when he does, but he says it’s his business what he wants to watch.

 Dear sister

I pray to Allah to help you.  Basically, you should have married a religious person as the Prophet (pbuh) instructed us, but it seems to me that you have been pressured  to marry your non-practicing Muslim. Angels will not curse you if you deny him bed.  How can he disobey Allah and Allah will curse you because you disobey him?   Pray to Allah to touch his heart, so he will become a good practicing Muslim.  Remind him of Allah, and the fact that he will die sooner or later and that you want him to be your husband in Jannah (paradise) etc.

  B)Assallamu allaikum, I am a practising muslimah, but my spouse is not.  He doesn’t pray.  I am aware that if a husband signals his wife to bed she has to accept otherwise the angels will curse her until morning but I want to know if the husband is watching dirty movies and then comes to her mostly while she is sleeping and wants something she still has to obey?

 Dear Muslimah,

The Prophet (pbuh) has warned us against marrying non-practicing man/woman.  Based on what you communicated to me, you should not have married the brother in the first place.  Perhaps, you were not aware of his behavior before getting married to him. If you are sleeping or so tired, especially when your husband does not practice Islam, you have the right to deny him bed. The angels will not curse you for that.  Basically, marriage is based upon understanding.   If a wife is tired or asleep, I think a reasonable husband will not approach her for sex.  If he wants to have sex, he should approach her when she is not tired or sleeping.   If he persists in his demand, she should allow him sex, in order to avoid any possible fight.      

7A) Is mother’s consent necessary to marry a disabled man?

Assalam Alaikum!

I am a Muslim woman, aged 26, and wish to marry a disabled Muslim man, aged 31, who my mother, and older brother will definitely not approve on. I have asked several questions about what they thought of him (disabled), and could simply guess their opinions.  My father passed away ten years ago, I haven’t got any grandfathers, or uncles. Is it possible to go alone, and get married with that man? We love each other, and will support each other. We’ll meet in Detroit, Michigan so soon (my family is in Kuwait).  You think you could make us husband and wife? And if yes, should we go to where you are?

 Thank you so very much for reading this letter. Fee Aman Allah.

 Dear Sister,

I will like to know more about the situation before deciding whether or not to perform your marriage.  Is the disabled brother a Muslim?  How about his character?  If he is a Practicing Muslim, I wouldn't mind performing the marriage after talking to your family in Kuwait.

7B). Parent’s role in choosing whom to marry for their daughter:

  I have a query. My parents have told me that they are not > going to give me their > blessings if I choose to marry this particular guy I > am seeing. It is due to > the fact that he is abusive (verbally and > physically) when he gets angry. > They have even gone as far as saying that my father > will not be the witness > at the ceremony. I would like to know Islam’s > vie/perspective on the issue > of parents’ blessings to one’s marriage. Thank you.

 zabrina

Dear sister:

Assalamu Aalykum

Islamically speaking, the parents can propose to their children whom they want their daughters or sons to get married to, but the children have the final say.   Is this abusive man you are interested in getting married to a good Muslim?   Do you feel secured in becoming his wife? Think about it and consider what your parents are afraid of.

Topic:  Wife cheating on her husband

As Salaam Alaikum Wa Rahmat Allah Wa Barakatoh

I have a very serious question regarding the status of marriage in Islam. Suppose that one Muslim is married to a woman who slept with another man after being married to one man (astagfarullah).

My question are,

1) Can the man who is legally married to her in Islam forgive her and take her back in nikah? 

2) Is there any time limit in shariya that he can take her back in his nikah within some limited time?

3) If she has committed this crime once and feel sorry for that and her husband wishes to forgive her though one divorce talaq wahid is done and the rest 2  talaqs (2 divorce ) are left  what islam guides about this ? What are the conditions that he can forgive her.

Please write me back in detail InshaAllah and please give me the refrences from quran and hediats in detail for the sake of Allah and establishing islam within our lives. jazak Allah khair

Assalamu Alaykum

May Allah forgive the sister who committed zina. The person who will remain married to his wife who committed zina is "dayyooth", meaning, has no respect, shame, dignity and jealousy. The sister must sincerely repent to Allah and ask forgiveness for the sin she committed. Allah may forgive her. 

 Topic: Being converted to Islam in a non-Islamic society is sometimes a great test

Asalaamu alaikum,

I am afraid I have a difficult and delicate conflict, and I am not sure how to handle it. I have tried myself to find direction on this in the Qur’an and sunnah, but to no avail. I recently reverted to Islam, and subsequently separated from my husband, who ridiculed me frequently about my blessed discovery.  Our marriage was already irretrievably broken down, and had been for some time, in fact, we had separated thrice already with the intention of divorce, but guilt and insecurity caused me to reconcile at his request.  At the same time of my separation, I lost my job, which ironically, was the vehicle, which Allah (swt) used to guide me to the Straight path.  I am now struggling with feelings of alienation (my best friend a strong Christian abandoned our friendship) and total aloneness, and I am a new muslimah! I am very strong in Iman right at this moment, therefore, I don’t worry too much for myself, but my problem is the following: I have three daughters, ages 12, 8, and 2.  My daughters are obedient, well adjusted girls and when I first started my quest into Islam, they were quite curious themselves, and my oldest even learned Arabic prayers with me. But, upon hearing their father, and others reject Islam so adamantly, and ridicule me for embracing it; they are showing extreme reluctance to attend Islamic Sunday School, or show any interest in Islam. I am particularly worried about my 12 year old; as she is entering that age where it seems all American youth begin to go astray. I want desperately to save her, but I don’t want to force anything, as I am afraid it will have a counter productive impact.

I hope you can help.

Sister in Islam, Assalmu Alaykum 

You really need help.  The best assistance I can offer to you at this moment is to remind you of the history of converted Muslims since the time of the Prophet to our recent time.  Many companions of the Prophet (pbuh) who converted to Islam as well as many contemporary converted Muslims in America have experienced what you are going through now. I n chapter 29 v.1-4 Allah says “Alif Laam Miim, Do people think that they will be left alone to claim that they believe, and that they will not be tested?  And We did try those who were before them. So Allah will assuredly, know those who are truthful and will assuredly, know the liars”.  Sister, remember when some of the Sahaba  such as the family of Yasir, Bilal, Ibn Mas'ud, Mus'ab ibn umayr (to mention just a few) became muslims, they were confronted by a great deal of resistance from their parents, wives and relatives.  For sure, if you continue to demonstrate firmness in Islam, and continue to pray to Allah at night to guide the father of your children to Islam as He guided you to Islam, Allah will accept your prayer, relief you from your difficulty and help you with your children. For the time being, try to find a Masjid (mosque) in your area and explain your situation to the Imam.   Hopefully, he will link you with some good Muslim sistesrs. who can help alleviate your state of total loneness.  May Allah relief your burden very soon. Ameen. Was-Salaam.    

Topic: What Islam says about Oral sex?

question: Assalamu alaikum,

Is the following allowed in Islam ? “Husband and wife licking each other’s  genitals during the fore play, but before > the intercourse.” Please advise in the light of Islam,supporting the arguements yes/no. Thank you.  Wassalam.

 Bilal

Dear Bilal:

Assalamu Alaykum

 There is no mention of oral sex in the Quran or Hadith..  Thus, Muslim scholars refer such a case to some juristic established roles, such as   “ Basically, everything is permissible except what Islam forbids” However, Both al-Imam al-Qurtub in his well known work of tafsir, Tafsir al-Qurtubi and a Hanbali jurist in his Kashf al-Qina stated that oral sex is permissible.. 

Topic: A unique na me for my new born baby

Asalamoalekum,

We are expecting a baby boy; we will appreciate if you suggest some unique Islamic names for him. Thanks, Wasalam, Allah Hafiz.

 Dear brother

May Allah bless your expected new  baby  boy. We have an authentic report from our beloved  Prophet (pbuh) to have said: the best names are the names prefixed with Abd  and  followed  by any attributes of Allah.   For instance,  Abdullah, Abdull Musawwir.   So, you can choose among the 99 attributes of Allah.  . However, the Prophet also suggested other two names. They are al-Harith and al-Hammam.

 Topic: Shaving the new born baby’s hair

alssalaam alykum,

Can I still shave the newborn baby hair after two weeks of delivery.  And do I shave the whole thing or partially.  

Assalmu Alaykum

Yes, you can still shave a newborn baby’s hair after two weeks. The Sunnah is to shave on the seventh day of the birth.

I have been married for eight years. Before I was married I fell in love with my husband and we wed after two years. During this time I disclosed to him a sexual experience I had with my mother's cousine who was 25 years old and I was 13. When we got married my husband asked me not to invite this person, but I did. He has not forgiven me for this nor for the near zhina I committed. He now calls me names and says he can never forgive me. He hates my parents and does not speak to them for failing to do anything regarding this issue. I love my parents dearly and I don't know what to do. Moreover, my husband prevents me from speaking to my aunt and uncle because he doesn't like them. I feel trapped. But, I also have a 2-year-old daughter and 1-year-old son. He feels that he can treat me badly because I did not respect him by not telling him earlier in our relationship and still inviting this offender. Does that mean my husband is permitted to call me vulgar things and to treat me so badly. That offender did not enter my house; he came to the place of marriage, in a hotel. My husband is filing criminal charges against this offender. Should I drop this, if I do my husband will surely leave me. When I am not guaranteed to get my kids in court, I am very scared.

Your husband is not supposed to call you vulgar things. First of all, you should not have told him what happened between you and your mother's cousin. However, you were 100% wrong when you allowed that offender to come inside your husband's house. That is a violation of his right upon you.

Topic: When wife can disobey her husband

I listened to a an audio presentation of Dr Bilal Philips and I did not quite understand one thing he said. According to him a wife does not have to obey her husband if he does not give her rights. For example a wife does not have to obey her husband if her husband does not maintain her financially which is a sin. What is the basis of this? Does this mean that it is allowed for a Muslim to behave in a non-Islamic fashion is he's refused his or her rights.

What Bilal Philips said is true. If a husband fails to give his wife her due rights while he is in a position to do so, she does not have to obey him. You are asking for daleel. Why don't you ask yourself about daleel as to whether or not the husband has a right to ignore his wife's rights? She has to be nice to him as far as he obeys Allah.

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