Muslim Family
Services (ICNA
Relief)
12346 McDougall
Street, Detroit MI. 48212
Ph. #: (313) 366-6800/Fax
#: (313) 366-2978
E-mail: muslimfamily@yahoo.com
- Website: www.reliefonline.org/mfs
Newsletter for the third quarter, 2002
September 2002
STOP
THREATING YOUR WIVES with DIVORCE
From The Director
Islam in its word and meaning implies peace. Justice
and peace are the core of Islam and they are indeed, indispensable essence
for human existence. Threat creates among other negative things, a lack of
peace and disturbance in the mind of the threatened individual and ultimately
the threat puts one in a state of fear, distress and depression.
Islam forbids scaring people and causing harm to them
physically, emotionally mentally and
otherwise. It’s unfortunate that some husbands very often use the word divorce
as a weapon to threaten their wives especially those from a background in
which the society blames woman for a divorce whether she is the cause for
that divorce or not. As a result, a woman from that culture is scared to death
to be divorced. Subsequently, she will do whatever she can to prevent it.
Thus, men take undue advantage of the injustice of that
oppressive culture to handicap or enslave their women. This attitude defeats
the purpose of marriage and family. Allah has indicated in al-Qur’an that
He created your mate for you from the same substance that you may find mutual
tranquility and peace in each other. How can this noble cause be achieved
when one keeps bombarding one’s wife with the hated word “DIVORCE”.
Practically speaking, many of those who threaten their
wives with divorce end up divorcing them. After pronouncing the divorce, you
see them running like a mad cow going around houses of imams seeking fatwa.
Brothers, fear Allah in your wives and remember that
she is your companion, mother of your children, your friend, sister and more
importantly the possessor of your secrets that no one else has access to,
but she alone. Importantly enough, your closeness to the Prophet or how far
you will be with the Prophet in jannah depends on how you treat your wives
in this world.
You asked the director
Assalam Alaikum,
Question
1
Is anal sex strictly forbidden in Islam
& Prophet Mohamed (pbuh) said to curse the person who commits this?
My question is if a wife insists on having
anal sex or permits anal sex, does that make it legal to have anal sex?
Please, advise me in the light of Islam.
Answer
1
Indeed, anal sex is forbidden. The Prophet (pbuh) cursed
anyone who engages in anal sex. There is a fabricated hadith attributed to
imam al-‘Shafi ‘i that anal sex is allowed. Haram is clear and halal is clear.
Any one who insists that anal sex is halal is badly in need of education about
that.
Question
2
Can spouses exchange jokes?
I know that women are supposed to listen
to men in every situation but what if it’s a joking kind of matter, do women
still have to listen? I would really appreciate if you could answer that for
me. Shukran
Answer 2
A man also should respect his wife and not treat her
like a slave. She only listens to her husband in what is right. A husband
should accept a joke from his wife, it strengthens the relationship.
Activities
1- MFS held two workshops on marriage at the ICNA/MAS
first convention, which took place at Baltimore, from July 5-7, 02.
The
message from Khutbatun Nikah (Marriage sermon)of
Muhammad
(pbuh)
By Br. Muhammad I.
Anjum
The messenger of Allah Muhammad (pbuh) used to recite
the following three verses of the Qur’an after praising Allah, seeking His
help and guidance during marriage ceremony, and declaring the fundamental
belief that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His
servant and messenger.
1. “Oh believers! fear Allah as He should be feared
and die not except in a state of Islam” (3:102)
2. “Oh mankind! fear your Lord, Who created you of
a single person, and of the same created his mate, and from them spread countless
men and women over the earth. Fear
that Allah in Whose name you demand your mutual rights, and abstain from violating
relations between kinsfolk; note it well that Allah is watching you very closely”.
(4:1)
3. “Oh believers!
fear Allah, and say the right thing: Allah will adorn your deeds and will
overlook your errors. Whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has indeed attained
a great success”. (33:70-71)
Message from these verses:
1.1 ‘Taqwa’ is the repeatedly used term in these verses. It cannot be translated in any other language with its full meanings and concepts. It is translated commonly as fear of Allah, piety, stay away from evils, and mindfulness of Allah, which means consciously following Allah’s guidance in every day life.
1.2 ‘Haqqa tuqatehee’
Perfect ‘taqwa’ is that, you should be conscious of all other sins (just as
you are conscious of ‘Kufr’ and ‘Shirk’)
in your relationship and conduct with others.
1.3 This condition
should be maintained throughout one’s life and in every action. Since death
is very uncertain, you shouldn’t fall in disobedience of Allah and violation
of others’ rights even for a moment
1.4 It is difficult to fear Allah as He should be feared, so He (in His infinite mercy) revealed another verse ‘Ittaqullaha mastata`tum’ (fear Allah as much as you can).
1.5 Islam and Taqwa
have the same meanings i.e. complete obedience to Allah and His Messenger
Muhammad (pbuh) and avoiding Their disobedience
2.1 This
verse “Oh mankind fear Allah Who created you of a single person and...” addresses
all human beings
2.2 All
men and women are from a single soul ‘Aadam’. By expressing this equality
and oneness of human beings, Allah neutralizes the gender issue
2.3 Fear
Allah and be conscious of the fact that He is the sole provider of all your necessities (Rabb) and your Creator.
2.4 Taqwa
– Strive to fear Allah by Whose name you claim your rights. It is also very
important to respect and honor others’ rights
2.5 Beware
of kinship rights on you. Any anger or pleasure should not prevent you from
performing your responsibilities towards them
2.6 Another
reason for striving to acquire His taqwa is that He is watching not only all
your actions but also the intentions behind them. Therefore, purify your intentions
before and after performing each of your daily duties.
3.1 One
of the clear signs of Taqwa is for
someone to always speak the truth. Nothing should be hidden and wrongful in
one’s speech, which is a characteristic of hypocrites...
3.2 The
impact of being rightly speaking is that Allah will embellish your affairs and won’t leave you alone in evils
3.3 Another
reward of being truthful is that He will forgive your shortcomings and sins
3.4 It
isn’t an achievement to conceive the facts, or fearlessly cheat others; rather,
obeying Allah and His Messenger and opposing your ego’s will is the greatest
success
3.5 This
success is not confined to the Day of Judgment alone. It starts from this worldly life. Afterwards, Allah wants us to
pray to Him for the good in this life as well as that of the life-hereafter.
Reciting these verses on auspicious occasion of happiness
is an appropriate advice (tafseer) not only for brides and grooms but for
all audience and listeners. It is the solution for all of our collective and
individual problems. Marriage is addition of a new family unit in the society.
Islam wants to embrace in the establishment
of this primary family unit, the following beliefs:
1) Taqwa- Allah knows all one’s actions and intentions,
2) Gratefulness- admission of His blessings. Having
a good spouse itself is a great bounty of Allah
3) Awareness of responsibilities- towards the spouse,
kinship relations, and the rest of the society.
If a family unit is
built on these three considerations from the very first day, it will
surely lead towards a cheerful and problem-free life. It will also be a blessing
and a source of guidance for the society.
Messenger of Allah, Muhammad (pbuh), declared marriage as a great source of goodness and
an accomplishment of the requirements of nature. Insisting on Taqwa indicates
that marriage is not only for an enjoyment but it also puts a couple in more
responsible state and frame of mind. Now this couple is more secured and strengthened
(Mohsin), by having the mutual love, care, and being attentive to each other.
Now Shaitan cannot misguide them until they throw away the garment of Taqwa.
The most pleasant thing for Shaitan is a serious issue between husband and
wife and an absence of Taqwa makes it easier for
Shaitan to accomplish his task.
By Adbul Raheem Animashawun
As
Muslims, we all believe that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was the last of all the
prophets that the Almighty Allah sent to mankind. Therefore, there will be
no more prophet to come and strive for the spread and preservation of Islam.
It is incumbent on each and every one of us to keep propagating Islam. Most of us immigrant Muslims can say “we have
tried our best”. What about the future
of Islam and Muslims in America as well as in other parts of the Western world?
One can simply answer that question by saying “our only
hope lies in our youth”. Of course,
they are the future barners of Islam in America and other parts of the Western
world. However, there is a critical
question we, as parents and adults should ask ourselves. What have we done to translate that hope into
consolation that our future Muslim generation will be up to the tasks ahead
of them? We may all be long gone and
some of us may still be around, but the fact of the matter is “that will be
their generation then and not ours any more”.
The next logical question to some of us who have done something is
“Have we done it to our utmost?
This time and age, young people have the tendency to
believe and cherish the notion that materialism is the primary objective in
life. It will be unfair to blame them
entirely given the fact that most of them were either born and/or brought
up in such an environment where the main yardstick for measuring success is
materialistic gain and achievements. The
life of a young man born and/or raised in this kind of environment is even
made more difficult and complicated by the dichotomy of daily activities with
their non Muslim peers and their obligation to practice Islam.
Some of us might have encountered some sort of dichotomy
when we were growing up as Muslims back home, but definitely not to the same
extent experienced by the youth growing up in this part of the world.
It is indeed difficult but not impossible to talk to our young brothers
and sisters about what and what not to do.
Alhamdullillah, almost every Muslim community in America
and (presumably) in other parts of the Western world strives hard to establish
Islamic schools, summer and weekend
schools for Muslim youth. Parents
who choose to send their children to these establishments especially the full
time Islamic schools have much less concern about their children forsaking
Islamic practice. All Muslim parents and custodians should try to support
these learning institutions because their continued existence is contingent
upon these parents sending their children there for studies. Most of these
full time Islamic schools even augment their Islamic studies with other essential
academic curriculum. The parents should really consider it worthwhile to visit
these institutions of learning in order to find out what they teach. It can turn out to be a pleasant surprise to
find out that your children will in fact be better off attending an Islamic
school as opposed to attending a public
school without any Islamic studies whatsoever. Muslim students who graduated
from most of these full time Islamic schools have gone to colleges and graduated
with flying color. Parents will consciously
create an Islamic climate for their children by sending them to Islamic schools.
These children will grow up learning not only the tools needed to succeed
in life, but also the need to pray for their parents after their inevitable
departure from this world.
Sending our children to Islamic schools is a giant step
in the right direction. However, in each and every Muslim community, we can
take a step further by creating an Islamic climate. By Islamic climate I mean
the creation of an environment where our young Muslim brothers and sisters
can gather more often to discuss things they encounter in the real world out
there. I strongly believe that there is a lot they can learn from one another
just by sharing their daily encounters and exchanging views, ideas and different
approaches to solving problems from Islamic perspectives. Some of them may find it difficult to reconsile
their daily activities with the practice of Islam. This is understandable
when one is surrounded by the hustle and bustle of life in America. However,
a closer and more careful look at Islam (during the course of their getting
together) will undoubtedly reveal the fact that Islam is life and life itself
is Islam. In other words, Islam is
a complete way of life. Therefore, there should be no excuse whatsoever, to
separate the two. Young Muslims need to be cognizant of the fact that for
every problem they may encounter in life, there is a solution for it in Islam
if only one cares to search for it. There is therefore, no excuse for them
to resort to other avenues of solving problems like non Muslims do. Young
Muslims need to be in an environment conducive to learning Islamic etiquette
and guidelines. Adult Muslims will be doing themselves a great favor by helping
to create a climate for such an environment.
Since Islam is a practical religion, let me make a couple
of suggestions as to how to create an Islamic climate for our youth. Leaders
in our Muslim communities have done a tremendous job of organizing effective
full time Islamic schools and weekend programs. Young Muslims like to have a sense of belonging
and participation. For communities without a full time Islamic or weekend
schools, community leaders can conduct a survey of the number of young brothers
and sisters attending their local mosque or Islamic center. They can be invited
to get involved in the activities of their Islamic centers. A group leader can be appointed with the help
of a responsible community leader. The youth group can even appoint one from
among themselves. With adult supervision,
a youth group meeting can be arranged on a weekly or bi-weekly basis.
With input from every active participant, different programs can be set up
along with some Islamic educational program. The need for an Islamic program
among other things, cannot be over-emphasized so that whatever else they embark
upon will be based on Islamic principles and guidelines.
The second suggestion is for responsible adults in
our Muslim communities to organize a youth camp, a field trip to a
museum, a science center or even a local zoo for that matter. This will give
our youngsters a sense of togetherness with peers of common interest. This
(in my opinion) will be more appropriate for Islamic centers that already
have full time and/or weekend schools. This kind of arrangement will enable
the young Muslims to interact within the confines of Islamic guidelines and
get to know one another better.
Muslim culture has the tendency to develop a very strong
sense of belonging. The essense of a youth camp is to demonstrate to our young
brothers and sisters that Islam is primarily a way of life and also that it
is the best way of life. During the
course of the youth camp, our young
people can be taught the importance
of salat. Study groups can be formed to talk about Islam and another session can
be allotted to the topic mentioned in the beginning of this article i.e Islam
and daily encounters. When they get back to their locality, the spirit of
togetherness and experience sharing can be continued by meeting on a periodic
basis most convenient to them. Islamic
centers without any full time or weekend schools can also organize youth camps
and field trips. This may serve as
an impetus towards organizing an Islamic or a weekend school.
With the help of Allah and concerted efforts and direction
by community leaders, we will soon
find out that there is a great deal of attachment
and brotherhood amongst the youth in our community. They will eventually find
out that to lead an Islamic way of life in this part of the world is not only
fulfilling, but it is also not as difficult as they may have thought.
Then, we as adults can continue to help and support our future bearers
of Islam with prayer and guidance as much as we can.
MFS Community Report
Muslim Family Services has been awarded $30,000 in funding
from the City of Detroit’s Block Grant/ Neighborhood Opportunity Fund.
The funding for the 2002-2003 program year will be used
in large part to hire a social worker to perform counseling and case management
services for community residents.
In response
to the many calls received by MFS seeking emergency housing for women, MFS is investigating the possibility of sponsoring
a shelter program. An MFS women’s
committee is working with the
MFS board and staff to develop a plan for a women’s temporary housing
program to begin operating, insha-allah,
in the future. More on the temporary housing program in our
next issue.