Muslim Family Services

The gender relationship we are talking about here is the interaction between people of the opposite sex. This issue is very critical in our Muslim communities. Demographically speaking, Muslim communities can be divided into two main categories in terms of how male and female interact.

1- A liberal or free mix. You see this clearly in our marriage ceremonies, fund-raising dinner environments and other activities.

2- A conservative or total separation between the genders. Sometimes, the separation between the two is effected by curtain, sometimes by wall or something else.

Before discussing this sensitive issue, the following questions should be asked: Is there any need for the genders to interact? If the answer is no, why ? If on the other hand, the answer is positive then, the next logical question is who legitimizes such relationship and how should they interact ? Are there rules, regulations and disciplines that should be observed? Furthermore, should parameters be set for communication between the two?

Before answering those questions, I think the following remarks would be helpful.

• Out of His infinitive wisdom, Almighty Allah created a single male and female (Adam and Hawa’) and made them the first grandfather and grandmother for mankind in general. Unquestionably, from Adam and Hawwa’ mankind evolved into nations, clans, families, tribes and as a race. We read in Qur’an 49: 13 (O mankind, We created you from one man and one woman then divided you into nations and tribes so you may recognize one another).

• It’s out of His infinite wisdom that He created both male and female from the same soul and entity, being equal in responsibilities and different in shape physically and emotionally. Having prefaced the subject with the afore-mentioned remarks, let me state three facts that one should bear in mind when discussing the gender relationship from the Islamic point of view.

1-Allah knows His creatures more than they know themselves.

2-Allah loves His creatures more than they love themselves

3-The law of Allah (‘Shari‘a) is first and foremost for the benefit of mankind

Two basic Qur’anic verses underlining the relationship between the two opposite genders:

• 1- In chapter 9, verse 71, Allah says “The believing men and the believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong”

• 2- In chapter 24, verses 30-31, Allah says “Enjoin (O Muhammad (pbuh) the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private parts——And enjoin the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their private parts—”

The first verse in particular constitutes the legality of relationship between Muslim men and Muslim women. Both are mutually supposed to protect one another in all aspects of life just as both are equally responsible for DA”WA. Obviously, you cannot be protected by someone without having interaction with him/her in one way or the other. The second verse deals specifically with one of the most important disciplines required when talking with the opposite sex. That is, to lower your gaze, which means to restrain your eyes from looking and gazing at sensitive parts of the body.

Two key elements needed to be observed while male and female are interacting or talking to each other:

Haya’ is translated as modesty. However, the meaning of the word Haya’a has a deeper implication than that of modesty. It will be practically difficult if not impossible to define it in one term. However, we can describe the concept of haya as the behavior that Islam considers not only as being good but also as one representing part of true attitude of a Muslim. The opposite of haya’a is of course, what Islam regards as a shameful act.

Some hadith on Haya’

The prophet (pbuh) was quoted to have said: Fa-innal haya’ minal-iman. ( verily, haya is a part of belief) 2. al-haya laa ya’ti illa bi-khayr ( haya brings nothing save good) 3- Inna mimma ad—idah lam tastahi fasna’ ma shi’t. (surely, among that which has come from the previous teachings of the prophets is, “if you feel no shame doing whatever you desire”)

Here are some indispensable disciplines needed to be observed while interacting:

• 1- Avoid unnecessary talk, such as talking about sex, and romantic manner.

• While talking, make your voice as moderate as you possibly can. We read in Qur’an 33, verse 32 where Allah says: “ — do not talk in a soft voice lest, men of diseased heart should cherish false hopes from you, but speak in unaffectionate manner.”

• 2-No hand shaking and touching of the shoulders

• 3- Avoid being in the state of “khalwa” a place where male and female are alone and no one else can see them

• 4- Avoid being in a state of suspicion. For example, giving a ride to a female by herself or vice-versa.

• 5- Both should observe Islamic dress code. We are not talking about wearing “Jalbab and Jallabiyyah”.

• 6- Avoid putting on inciting fragrance. n

Question: Do women have right of divorce in Islam? What about if a wife asks for divorce and the husband refuses?

Answer: Indeed, Islam is a religion of justice and fairness. Thus, Islam grants a wife the right of divorce, which is Islamically called “ kul‘u”.

If a woman asks for divorce and the husband refuses, she should take the issue to the local imam who I believe should be able to help her get “Kul‘u” one way or the other..

Question: Which is better for married couple: to live together with in laws in one house or to live in a separate house?

Answer: Generally speaking, living with-in laws in one house makes the lives of married couples unpleasant and doing so sometimes destroys the marriage. Therefore, it’s advisable to live in a separate house. However, in some cases, the couple may have no choice but to live together with one of the in-laws or even with both of them either from the husband side or that of the wife.

Remember when you got married you didn’t marry a strange woman. You got married to your sister in Islam, an everlasting companion and sweet heart. Therefore, treat her with all respect, affection and gentleness within your capability..

Remember when you got married you didn’t marry a strange man. You got married to your brother in Islam, an everlasting companion and sweet heart. So, treat him with all respect, love and kindness within your capability.

Community Legal Resources

Muslim Family Services Finds The Right Help at the Right Time

Community Legal Resources is a Detroit based legal service agency dedicated to serving the civil legal service needs of organizations dedicated to helping low and moderate income persons. CLR does not provide direct services, but finds expert lawyers who are willing to give Pro Bono (free) civil legal services to agencies. CLR grew out of a vision of its founder and executive director, Attorney Steve Tobocman. The vision grew into a legal services program with the assistance and through the dedication of Michigan Legal Services’ board, volunteers and staff, including MLS executive director, Attorney Marilyn Mullane. As a former staff attorney at MLS, Steve Tobocman worked with his colleagues to build Community Legal Resources into an organization that is professional, committed and able to address the legal service needs of client organizations. Steve and the CLR staff, including our contact, Attorney Angie Zemboy have worked hard to make the service work and it has!

CLR recently celebrated an outstanding year of service and accomplishment. The May 9^th CLR Million Dollar Celebration, acknowledged more than one million dollars of free legal services to organizations. The legal work was donated by law firms throughout the state. In her remarks to more than 100 people attending the celebration, the Honorable Nancy G. Edmunds, U.S. District Court judge highlighted the good work done by some of Michigan’s most prestigious law firms and individual lawyers. She also described the organizations and some of the legal barriers they were facing before coming to Community Legal Resources for help.

Muslim Family Services was one of the organizations mentioned by the Honorable Nancy G. Edmunds in her remarks. In part she stated, “When Muslim Family Services first contacted Community Legal Resources in March 2002 . . . , the organization was somewhat paralyzed by its concern about liability it might take on if it pursued its vision. Volunteer lawyers from Dykema Gossett, including Kay Felt, the first female partner at the firm, and Ken Kalousek are providing assistance etc. The work of these attorneys will enable Muslim Family Services to provide sorely needed family counseling services . . .”

The board, staff and volunteers of Muslim Family Services are indeed thankful for the assistance provided by Dykema Gossett and attorneys Kay Felt and Ken Kalousek, through the hard work and initiative of Community Legal Resources. We are more confident in settling the various legal issues facing MFS. If you are an organization working to improve the lives of low to moderate income people in Michigan and you have legal service needs, you may contact CLR at 313-964-4130. You can reach Steve Tobocman at stobocman@michiganlegal.org.

Adopting Foreign Orphan Children

The recent activity regarding the need to adopt several hundred children from Afghanistan has provided an opportunity for us to explore the basic policies of the INA (Immigration and Naturalization Act) regarding the adoption of foreign born children. The following article contains information adapted from many sources including the Department of Justice, U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Services website. http://www.ins.usdoj.gov/graphics/index.htm

As a first and early step, please consider contacting the local office of the INS if you are considering adoption of foreign born orphan children. There are circumstances where an adopted child of a U.S. citizen has immediate resident or citizenship status, but this is not the case in general. Consulting with and hiring a reputable foreign adoption lawyer and/or agency is advisable and would be to your advantage. It is important to note that no child, including those who are orphans, can legally emigrate to the United States without the involvement of the INS.

The United States immigration law (Immigration and Naturalization Act, INA) considers a foreign born child to be an orphan if both parents of the child are dead or have disappeared, abandoned or deserted the child. If there is only one parent, the child is considered an orphan if the parent is unable to care for the child and has released the child to the United States for emigration and adoption. In general but not always, the orphan adoption petition must be filed before the child reaches his/her sixteenth birthday.

There are certain documents and proofs regarding the orphan child that must be provided. Proof of the child’s birth certificate or some other acceptable evidence of the age and identity of the child must be provided. You must provide proof that the child meets the INA definition of an orphan and eligibility for adoption and emigration. In some cases the United States government will bring orphaned children into the U.S. as part of or as a result of foreign policy matters. In such cases, many of the proofs regarding the child are already in INS file. The adopting parents will then need to concentrate on providing their documents and proof of eligibility to adopt a foreign born orphan.

Whether single or married, persons who wish to file an orphan adoption petition must meet certain requirements and must provide full proof of meeting those requirements You must be able to prove U.S. citizenship and/or residency status if you are the adopting parent(s). You must have proof of marriage and be able to prove that all previous marriages were legally terminated. At least, one spouse must be a U.S. citizen. In addition to INA requirements (which includes the finger printing of every adult member of the household), each state has its own set of pre-adoption requirements and criteria. The adopting parent/s must also be aware of and comply with those requirements. Additionally, there are filing fees both with the state and the federal government that must be paid.

You must prove that you have met all other state and federal requirements, including those dealing with pre-adoption.

To speed up the adoption process, you can file for advanced processing. Advanced processing may be advantageous as more children are orphaned by war, famine, disease or other causes. Through advanced processing, you can start the adoption process before you actually find the child you wish to adopt. Advanced processing assures that the INS has reached a determination on your suitability as a parent. The INS will not approve an application for adoption if you are found to be unable to provide a suitable home for the child/ren you are trying to adopt.

More information on the adoption of foreign born children is available at the INS web site. If you are considering becoming an adoptive parent, please research and obtain the best legal advice that you can. If our office can be of assistance, contact, MFS at 313-366-6800.n

THE ICNA RELIEF DOMESTIC

ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS NETWORK

THE ICNA RELIEF DOMESTIC

ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS NETWORK

Provides – directly or through the support or development of local community organizations – intervention into the lives of poor Americans coupled with case management in accordance with the tenets of the Islamic faith intended to cultivate self-sufficiency through the process of bringing a better focus of all available resources on the goal of individual and family self-sufficiency.

Provides intervention into the lives of poor residents of New York City – in accordance with the tenets of the Islamic faith – intended to address presenting problems in order to prevent homelessness and family instability.

Provides intervention into the lives of poor women and children residing in New York City coupled with case management – in accordance with the tenets of the Islamic faith –intended to cultivate self-sufficiency within a framework that emphasizes the protection and maintenance of women and children as the foundation of productive community life.

Provides shelter support – in accordance with the tenets of the Islamic faith – for women and children who are homeless or require alternative housing to escape domestic abuse/violence or as a consequence of financial issues. HOMS is also designed to accommodate sisters who confront prejudice or family ostracizing as a result of reversion to Islam.

Provides advocacy, education and intervention for Detroit families – in accordance with the tenets of the Islamic faith – intended to engender family development, resurrect and actualize the family as the basic building block of a just, peaceful and productive society; provides marital counseling and foster parent recruitment on a national basis, through the medium of the internet.

Provides intervention into the lives of poor residents of the state of New Jersey coupled with case management – in accordance with the tenets of the Islamic faith – intended to cultivate self-sufficiency through the process of bringing a better focus of all available resources on the goal of individual and family self-sufficiency.

THE ICNA RELIEF DOMESTIC

ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS NETWORK

The structured involvement of ICNA Relief in domestic assistance provision began in 1993. The agency’s original charge was – and remains — to concentrate on the amelioration of local problems, while not neglecting oversees demands. From the onset, ICNA Relief adopted the approach of providing financial support and technical assistance to established or developing organizations that had roots in local communities. The goal is to develop a network of local agencies, under the auspices and intendance of ICNA Relief. The initial funding for the domestic assistance initiative was derived from ICNA general relief zakat and sadaqah funds. As the accomplishments of this initiative became more widely known, a cadre of donors was generated. Donor funds have become a major portion of the financial support for the domestic initiative.

Muslim Family Services (MFS)

Muslim Family Services was established in 1996 as a unit of ICNA Relief. The initiative constituted the first effort by ICNA to develop a domestic assistance program. The initial mission of the agency was to deliver a full range of social services. In August, 1998 the operation was transferred to Detroit, Michigan. Associated with this move was the refinement of the agency’s focus to emphasize family development activities. It has become a leader in this field, with a web site that is utilized nationally in addressing family stability and development issues. It is the only national Muslim organization that is involved in foster care recruitment.

United Muslim Movement Against Homelessness (UMMAH)

UMMAH was created in 1992, its initial charge was to serve hot meals and distribute clothing to homeless population. It also addressed chemical substance abuse, recognizing that this pathology is at the base of many instances of homelessness. UMMAH started referring individuals and families to ICNA Relief for funds to assist them to move from homelessness. In January of 1996, ICNA Relief adopted UMMAH as its own program.

Muslim Women’s Help Network (MWHN)

The Muslim Women’s Help Network was established in October 1998 through the concerted efforts of the United Muslim Movement Against Homelessness and its parent organization, ICNA Relief, with intent to serve needs of the homeless female population of south eastern Queens, primarily, and individuals in other areas of New York City as necessary, the organization has developed a Temporary Housing facility located in Jamaica, NY. The facility is capable of housing.

Housing Outreach for Muslim Sisters (HOMS)

HOMS was founded in May, 1999. It is affiliated not only with ICNA Relief, but also the Islamic Society of North America as well as other national Islamic organizations. It is the only member of the Network that restricts its services to Muslims. HOMS desires to provide shelter and support to Muslims that is consistent with their deen (religious beliefs and practices), just as other faiths provide shelter and support according to their religious beliefs and practices.

Crescent Social Assistance Agency

Crescent is the newest member of the ICNA Relief family. Crescent was established in 1997, under the name IHSAN. The agency was initially located in Newark’s Islamic Cultural Center. In 2000, ICNA Relief asked IHSAN to become its affiliate – out of deference to its desire to provide social services in New Jersey. IHSAN changed its name to Crescent, and organized the Islamic Community Social Assistance Network.

This network contains the eleven masajid (Islamic houses of worship) located in Essex County, as well as a number of private, non-profit human service agencies. Crescent provides a full range of social assistance designed to cultivate family stability and self-sufficiency.

THE ICNA RELIEF DOMESTIC

ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS NETWORK

All services delivered through the Network are available to income-eligible individuals without regard to religious persuasion or ethnic affiliation.

Case Management: This is the cornerstone of assistance available through the Network. Case management activities are intended to identify family strengths in order to determine the areas in which the family requires assistance in overcoming barriers to stability and self-sufficiency. Case management is provided either:

Short-Term – to assist the individual/family in addressing crises;

Long-Term – to support the stability and development of the family.

Family Development: The Network considers the family as the building block of the community, and places primary emphasis on promoting peaceful and productive family life. Among the areas in which assistance is rendered are:

Marriage/Family Counseling

Parenting Instruction/Mentoring

Workforce Development: The intent of this assistance area is to equip the individual with the skills required to engage in productive and meaningful employment.

Referral to Training

Job Development and Placement

Housing Assistance: Assistance in this area focuses upon the retention or acquisition of safe, secured and affordable housing, as well as the qualifying for subsidies that will enable individuals to improve their housing status.

Rental/Mortgage/Utility Payment Assistance

Relocation Assistance

Transitional/Permanent Housing

Emergency Services: This area emphasizes assisting individuals and families in negotiating crises that arise, while at the same time beginning to address factors that induce the development of emergencies.

Clothing/Household Goods Bank

Family Stability: The experience of the Network underscores the primacy of addiction as the major factor in family instability. In addition, we have found that domestic abuse/violence, as well as child abuse are companion pathologies to substance addiction. Further, the Network views these three pathologies as variations on the theme of addiction. Therefore, the model utilized is the same in each treatment area.

Domestic Abuse/Violence Intervention

Child Abuse Intervention

Community Education: The Network views the community as an invaluable ingredient in the formula for providing redemptive assistance to individuals and families. Therefore, a major thrust of our activities is to educate the community, particularly its leaders, in recognizing, reporting and participating in the treatment of social pathologies and the intervention in addressing social needs.

Information and Referral: No one agency can addresses the total matrix of needs that individuals and families present. The Network cooperates and collaborates with many local agencies in accomplishing its mission. We directly provide the assistance that we are best structured to provide. Where another agency is better structured to assist, we refer the individual or family.n

What A Sorrowful Joy

Parting is sometimes a sorrowful joy. It is with mixed feelings that MFS congratulates Dr. Fazlul Mian (ICNA-Detroit Unit President) on his new career move. He is moving to North Carolina with his family to take up a job at Fayettevile State University in N.C as a professor in the economics department. We are delighted for his progress and wish him all the best. However, we are sorry to be missing a brother of high integrity and dedication to serve Islam in whatever way an opportunity to do so presents itself. Our only consolation lies in the fact that he is just changing destination and not his disposition.

GENDER RELATIONSHIP