Newsletter for the first quarter, 2002   

Islam considers marriage as one of the most honorable institutions existing on the surface of the earth. Unequivocally, marriage institution is the first brick of any healthy society. It’s needless to say that, there is no institution without a manager or a responsible person who is in charge of catering for the interest and affairs of  the institution. Some institutions are headed by the founders despite the fact that some of the  non-founder members or employees may be more qualified for the post  than these founders. Other institutions are headed by qualified individuals without regard to whether or not they are the founders.

   Qiwama in marriage is akin to a combination of the above-stated scenario.  The reason for this is twofold. First and foremost, the man initiates the building of the marriage institution, pays the dowry and maintains the family. Secondly, due to the physiological and psychological nature of  both men and women, Allah has assigned man as QAWWAM (manager, director, protector etc) of the family.

   It’s unfortunate that some husbands on one hand, misuse the qiwama given to them by Allah and behave like dictators. They treat their wives as if they are maid-servants. No consultation, respect or consideration for the feelings and the emotion of their wives. On the other hand, some wives resist the qiwama of their husband assuming that, the acceptance of the qiwama of a man means man is superior over woman, an idea derived from woman liberation concept. Unequivocally, the notion of man being superior to woman is Islamically wrong.

   In conclusion, husbands should remember that, marriage institution requires leadership in the household and that men are made the heads of the family simply by the virtue of the physiological and psychological nature of men. That does not mean that they are better than their wives or that they have any right to dictate whatever they want to their wives and expect them to accept everything from them without any reservation. That is not what Qiwama means. Qiwama means husbands are the ones  responsible for the welfare, interest and wellbeing of the family. They are responsible for  maintaining  the family and providing security as well as guidance with consultation of their wives.

   The wives should not be deceived by the contemporary view of equality between the two genders. Women and men are equal but they are not the same emotionally, psychologically and physiologically. Even in Islam, there are some obligations and rights (although they are very few) that women and men are not equally responsible for. For example, women are not basically required to engage in jihad or to attend congregational prayers. They are neither required to pay the dowry nor are they responsible for maintaining the family for that matter.

   The wives should remember that the contributions they make towards the welfare of the family are more important than what men do. Hence, Islam elevates the status of mothers as compared to that of  fathers. Let both husbands and wives be God conscious in their sacred relationship and follow the guidance laid down for us by our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). For someone to neglect these two essential ingredients is to invite everlasting unrest in one’s family life.n

Case study:

Wow! THIS CAN NOT BE

RESOLVED INSIDE THE COURT ROOM

 

Said an Attorney

This is a court case referred to us. A couple got both Islamic and civil divorce. The husband went to the bank and took the jewelry deposited by his ex-wife, but he denied it in the court. The husband came to us in the office and narrated his one-sided story without mentioning anything about the jewelry.

   Both attorneys representing these clients contacted me and we set a day for a meeting.They both came along with their attorneys. The attorneys told me that, they could not resolve the issue of jewelry inside the court, thus they came to us seeking help.

   The first thing I did was to remind them of Allah and the Day of Judgment and that lying is not part of a Muslim character. Then I asked the husband whether or not he took her jewelry. He denied it and she persisted that he took it, because he was the only one who had access to her Jewelry.

   When he kept denying, I asked both the husband and wife to go and perform wudu (ablution). When they came back, I related a true story to both of them concerning someone who did swear by al-Qur’an while he knew that he was wrong. The man died shortly after swearing, but before he died he was screaming and was devastated  by extreme agony. After warning the husband, I asked him to swear by the Qur’an. At this point, he confessed that he took the jewelry. Hence, one of the attorneys apparently astonished, exclaimed:

 “Wow! THIS CAN NOT BE RESOLVED INSIDE THE COURT ROOM”.

 

Question:

 My husband is on the computer all day long and sometimes chats with females, sin or not sin?

 

Answer:

Basically, a Muslim male should not have unnecessary conversation with any female who is not his mahram. If your husband is just having unnecessary chat with females, he should stop doing that, otherwise, he will become a victim of shaytan (devil).  If the chat he was having with the females was inappropriate, Islamically speaking then, he has committed a sin.

 

For men only:  

Who are the best husbands?

 

Abu Hurayrah reported that our beloved Prophet (pbuh) said: “The believers who are most complete in faith are those of best manners, and the best among you are those who are best to their women”.

 

 For women only:

Who is the best wife?

 

On the authority of Abd Allah bin Salim our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was asked.“who is the best woman”. He replied: (the best of women is that who pleases you when you look at her, obeys you when you order her, and safeguards you during your absence in regard to herself and your health”. 

Muslim Family Services, Detroit

Category of Activities

                   1. Marriage/Family Counseling

                   2. Education

                   3. Liaison with Courts

                   4  Liaison with Social Services

                   5. Financial Support (For Families)

                   6. Financial Independence (Organizational)

                   Other Activity

Activity Description

1. Marriage/Family Counseling

There were 68 cases involving marriage counseling during the year 2001.We provided spousal conflict resolution to 31 couples. General counseling was provided for 25 families, parenting counseling was provided to five families.There were three pre-marital counseling sessions, and four marriages were performed in the office. We provided one doctor (psychiatrist) for a family to help with family issues. 

2. Education

Year 2001 provided Muslim Family Services with the opportunity to sponsor one, five-week seminar at the Muslim Center in Detroit, Michigan, on marriage and the family. Three newsletter  issues were produced and distributed. MFS responded to more than 500 e-mail (Internet) requests for answers to various questions.We provided telephone answers and counseling to more than four hundred telephone callers.  

About four Friday Khutbas on the family were presented and letters were sent to Imams in Detroit Metropolitan Masjids, requesting them to talk about the importance of family in their khutbas.

MFS participated in the national conference of Islamic Social Services of North America and Canada (an ISNA sponsored service providers network).The conference was held in Troy, Michigan.

Additionally, MFS developed a web page, onto which questions and answers were posted.The web address is http://www.reliefonline.org/MFS

3. Liaison With Courts

Our efforts to work with the Family Court resulted in the Court’s family division referring one case to MFS in 2001. By the permission of Allah, we were able to positively help in resolving the problem. We look forward to continuing to build our relationship with the family and juvenile courts.

4. Liaison With Social Services

We received one referral from the State social service agency, the Michigan Family Independence Agency (FIA) and we were able to Islamically help the family. We have also continued to work to build a relationship with FIA. With Allah’s permission, our goal is to successfully become a FIA service provider by becoming an approved FIA provider. We were also able to receive a letter of support from the local FIA office for two of our funding applications.

5. Financial Support (Emergency Services)

   With Allah’s help, MFS was able to provide financial assistance to 51 families, assisting them with such things as food, utility and housing payments - all in an effort to help prevent those families from being hungry, homeless or in danger of losing their housing. Our total expenditure for this activity was $22,755. MFS’ expenditure for food to assist needy families was $4,753. Funding for this activity was raised through local funds from local donors.

6. Financial Independence

   MFS has submitted two applications for funding of our counseling and financial support or emergency services for family activities.Our executive director also attended a workshop on how to apply for financial assistance (grants) to support MFS services and activities. We are conducting research for funding opportunities and will develop and implement a MFS fund development plan. MFS also held six fundraising events in Islamic centers during the report year.

7. Other

   MFS held 10 staff meetings and two advisory meetings during 2001.   MFS staff participated in one meeting held by the Third Judicial Court, Family Division. There was one trip outside of Michigan to Toledo, Ohio; and two trips outside of Detroit to Lansing and Ann Arbor, Michigan.

We have undertaken a review of our intake process and have modified the forms we use to better reflect the client needs being presented to MFS. MFS is using the forms at present and the forms will be re-evaluated to determine if they do meet our organizational needs and expectations.

Conclusion

   Overall we believe our services to families and the community have been effective. MFS will work to improve its capacity to assist families, prevent divorces and improve the relationship between parents and children. 

Our future goal is to generate funding to be able to bring in part-time social workers to assist with counseling. We are also seeking additional funding to support financial assistance for families, staff training and other organizational development activities. We intend to develop and  implement a fund development plan for MFS.

We are also working on evaluating our intake process, including reviewing MFS forms, procedures and program processes. We will be looking at ways to incorporate more information in the newsletter such as case studies and informational articles by counselors. 

We believe that with the help of Allah, we will continue in the next year to assist families through their difficulties by providing Islamic counseling and supportive services.

Life After Hajj

By Abdul Raheem

 

This short note of reminder is for my dear brothers and sisters who just came back from Hajj recently.  It is of course for the reading pleasure of the rest of us too but, only as a reference guide for our future arrival back from Hajj Insha Allah. I just received a newly published  fascinating book titled “A life time journey” by Ahmad H. Sakr Ph.D on behalf of our mosque and I just couldn’t help but include some aspects of  one of the chapters in this newsletter.  May Allah bless and reward the author abundantly.

     I wish I have enough space to do justice to the whole chapter. However, I will skip the introduction and other parts of the chapter and start  right off with the author’s final remarks thus:

      Hajj is not a vacation to Disneyland, to Hollywood, Sea World, Niagara Falls or other places like that.  Hajj is a pillar of Islam. The climax of the rituals in Islam is Hajj. It demands sacrifice, not only an animal, but time, effort, energy, money and traveling to please Allah. If Muslims observe the sanctity and religiousity of the pilgrimage, they may attain forgiveness from Allah for their previous mistakes.  After coming from Hajj, each and every one of them should be a role model of a practicing Muslim.  They should never brag about having performed Hajj. They should not demand from people to call each one of them Hajj or Hajja. Such titles don’t reflect honesty and sincerity of those who performed Hajj.

     After Hajj, Muslims are to encourage others and help someone who needs financial help to go for Hajj.  They should speak good about the places, the facilities and the services rendered to them.  In this situation, they should remember that they are representing Allah and His Prophet (pbuh). They are to talk to people about Hajj as if they were speaking on behalf of Allah and His Messenger (pbuh).  Muslims should know how to save money and how to reduce their life expenses in order to plan to perform Hajj.

     Hajj is not for everyone but, if Allah chooses you, you should be grateful to Him.  You try to obey Him and be a good example and a role model to others.  We pray the best for all Ameen.  “And help one another in furthering virtues and God consciousness and not help one another in furthering evil and enmity (Qur’an 5:2).

    P.S-The next (2^nd quarter) issue of MFS newsletter may contain the other aspects of this interesting chapter-“After Hajj” Insha Allah.  Don’t you miss it.  You might want to call MFS office if you are interested in being on our mailing list.