Topic: Marriage

Assalam Alaikum!
I am a Muslim woman, aged 26, and wish to marry a disabled Muslim man, aged 31, who my mother, and older brother will definitely not approve on. I have asked several questions about what they thought of them (disabled), and could simply guess their opinions. My father passed away ten years ago, I haven't got any grandfathers, or uncles. Is it possible to go alone, and get married with that man? We love each other, and will support each other. We'll meet in Detroit, Michigan so soon (my family is in Kuwait). You think you could make us husband and wife? And if yes, should we go to where you are?Thank you so very much for reading this letter. Fee Aman Allah

Dear Sister,
I would like to know more about the situation before I accept or reject performing your marriage. Is the disabled brother a Muslim? How about his character? If he is a Practicing Muslim I wouldn't mind performing the marriage after talking to your family in Kuwait.

Topic: Why don’t you get married?

Assalamo Alaiqum
Dear Sir
I am 24 years old and I live in Lahore, Pakistan. I am a student of computer sciences, and this is my last year of education. My question is as blow, I have a friend, he is very western, he had a girl friend and he wanted her to do things that are Haram in Islam. The girl was not like that so they broke-up, she was a friend of me too, so first she found me as a crying shoulder (we use to talk on phone). The girl is very nice and with the time we fall in love. Now she is doing her MBBS from medical college. She is very good in Islam. She pray five times a day. I told my parents that I like that girl and she herself told her parents about me a little. We have never committed any sin. We both love each other very much. My question is that in Islam it is not allowed to love someone like this but my condition is different, if I left her then she will never forgive me (I am very censure with her) and I don't want to lose her. What should I do? I don't understand; please reply me as soon as possible.
Dear Brother

Since you love her and she loves you, and you have already talked to your parent about her and she did the same, why don't you talk to your parent to go and ask for her hand? Then if they agree you can set up the date of Nikah, it can be a year or less than or more than that.

Topic: Drugs, Marriage

Assalamu Allaikum,
I have 2 questions that are related with Islam.

1. I know that drugs are prohibited in Islam, but are bodybuilding drugs such as anabolic steroids that contain hormones, which are illegal, also prohibited?

2. Why is dating prohibited in Islam?
Thank you, Wasalam

Dear brother
Assalamu Aalykum

In regard to your question about the using of anabolic steroids, generally speaking, Islam prohibits any drugs or thing that affects the health or mind of human being. According to doctors the anabolic steroids affects the health of people, therefore is Haram to use it.

As for dating, Islam has a different approach in terms of how a Muslim should seek a hand of a girl or a woman for marriage. One should seek permission through someone or by himself from the girl's parent to talk to their daughter, not to go out with the girl without the knowledge of her parent. Even with the permission you cannot go out with her alone without someone witch Islam calls 'Mahram'.

Topic: Americanized wedding

I was wondering if it’s possible to have an “Americanized” wedding even though my wife and I are Muslim. We were married with an Islamic ceremony.  Now we want to renew our vows for our family that are not Muslim. Do we need to do another Islamic ceremony? Or can we do the American ceremony? Or is there a way we can blend the two together?

Dear brother

What do you mean by “Americanized the marriage ceremony”?   Do you mean to have a party as non-Muslim Americans do?  Mixed-dancing and drinking alcohol?  No, this is not acceptable. You don’t need another Islamic ceremony. You can invite your parent, relatives and friends for food.  

Topic: How can you remain married to someone who does not like you?

The situation described below is happening in an arranged marriage which is 7 years old with mutual feelings in the first year, with not much feelings for the next 5+ years but now at least strong emotional feeling from the husband side. There were never major fights. The wife now does not feel attracted to nor loves the husband. She feels because she wanted a tall man and because the hobbies and interests were so different she never had that strong feelings to begin with. Whatever feelings she had, they died with time because the husband did not care for her interests and hobbies. The husband though not tall is still attractive, but not according to her definitions.  The woman who has children got emotionally (not physically) involved with another man with children about 5 months ago for a month, who has similar hobbies and interests and is tall and is attractive according to her definitions. Both families new each other and met regularly for the last year and a half. The women confessed to her husband, does not maintain future contact, but continues to have very strong feelings for the other man. She is not comfortable to leave the family because of children, getting a bad reputation, concerns for parents feelings, some love/loyalty for her husband.  However, at the same time she is unable to develop feelings of complete love towards her husband because her mind is preoccupied and her first feelings in marriage were also not very strong. The husband now loves her a lot, and handled the situation with understanding and compassion rather than anger and is trying for the last four months to participate fully in her interests and hobbies and does not want to leave her because he loves her and is more scared of the impact of divorce on the children and thus is very uncomfortable of it. The wife thinks that if they live in the same city and can share the children there should not be much impact. The husband is however concerned that he is forcing his wife to live in a state of sin. Is emotional feelings towards someone outside the marriage is a sin even when the person does not maintain any contacts?

a.      Divorce her now so that she looks like a victim rather than him looking a victim and thus the decision is made easy for her.

b. Continue loving and caring for her for a fixed period of time (like a year) and if feelings do not develop strongly from the wife then give her a divorce.

c.      Continue loving and caring for her always regardless of whether feelings develop strongly from the wife or not. 

Among the three choices outlined above which one should the husband choose and why? if there is another approach what should it be?

Dear brother

My advice to you is to divorce her.  How can you live with someone whose feelings and emotions are with someone else?  Don't you have "GHIRAH"? (Integrity and self-respect?)  Having ghirah is a part of essential characteristics of a believer.  Your wife has no right to cheat on you simply because you did not meet her dream.

Topic:  Marriage without parent’s approval

Dear sirs,

I am a 32 years-old girl, not married, very educated(graduated from English Department), and I amworking for  10 years. I am asking: can I get married to a good man without getting the approval of my parents.?  P lease answer, as quickly as possible 

Assalamu Alaykum

Yes, you can get married without the approval of your parents provided your potential future husband is Islamically compatible to you.  However, you should try to persuade your parents to accept your good future husband. 

Topic Can a woman marry four men?

My dear friend My question is why can men in islam marry 4 wives? and can women do the same. please explain in full detail Thank you

Unquestionably, Islam allows polygamy with conditions. The conditions can be summed up as follows: If you are financially able, sexually strong, morally conscious, (able to maintain justice among the wives) and you are in need for more than one wife. Some of the reasons why a woman cannot marry four men are: firstly, for medical reason, a woman's womb cannot receive four different sperms in days and remains healthy. Secondly, a woman in her right state of mind cannot expose herself to four different men at the same time.

Topic: Engaged is not like married

Assalam alaikum, and need your help. One of the Alim told us that if both the boy and the girl and both the families are happy with the proposal and they get engaged then they are considered husband and wife however, the witness and the marriage contract needs to be done but engagement could be considered as a khitbah? i would like to clarify this. Second, can I and my fiance' have an intimate conversation. Third, what does Islam say about oral sex which involves touching and licking the private areas. Forth, is anal sex allowed in Islam? Please provide any hadith or Quarnic verse related to the last two questions. May Allah bless you. And please answer my questions as soon as possible. I really appreciate your help.

The acceptance of proposal does not mean you are automatically married. You are not considered married until nikah is performed or officiated simply because both of you can change your mind before the official marriage takes place. Indeed, after what you call engagement, you can talk to the girl at the presence of her mahram, I don't understand what you meant by intimate conversation. If having conversation about sex is what you meant, you can have such conversation. Regarding oral sex and anal sex questions, please visit our website at: http://www.RelieflOnLine.org/mfs/

Topic: Marrying Non Muslim

I am a 26 year old Muslim girl, who is in love with a 26 year old non-Muslim. He is caring, does not and never has drank alcohol, eaten pork, and is very respectful of the religion; although at this time does not feel compelled to convert. I want to marry him, please advice me! This is my second email, and is trying to reach out for the right thing to do. Thank you. Please email back

It is haram to mary him. Your definition of being good is someone who does not drink or eat pork. The issue is not a matter of drinking etc. The issue is a matter of believing in Allah and accepting Muhammad (pbuh) as a messenger. DON'T MARRY HIM EXCEPT HE ACCEPTS ISLAM. YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR CHIOCE BETWEEN ALLAH AND HIM.

Topic: Marriage in certain month

Assalam u Allekum I would like to know if there is any prohibition of getting married in a certain Islamic month. i have heard from some people that one should not get married in Moharram or Safar. So please kindly answer. Allah hafiz.

No. this is a superstitious belief. You can get married in any month.

Topic: Plain paper marriage infront of witnessess

I would like to know about Islamic marriage. I have heard that it is legal if it was written on paper between the man and the woman in front of 2 witnesses, my partner has converted and she is a divorced woman. Can we do that paper now and when we go back to my arab muslim country announce the marriage and go to court to document it. Is that paper signed by the witnesses would make our relationship halal. Because I don't want to go on with her while we are not married

Dear brother: Yes, marriage on paper witnessed by two people is Halal.. Why don't you get marriage certificate from Germany authority and then, approach one of the imams in Germany to give you an Islamic one?

Question: Ramadan mubarak i am a precticing sister in university i was in an abusive marriage for a couple of years. I left him alhamdulillah a little more than a year ago i have been diagnosed with major depression i was in therapy, my sessions maxed out i was on zoloft unfortunately i have not responded well i am still extremely depressed alhamdulillah, every morning is a struugle to get up. i cannot sleep well a night. a couple of months ago i started having nightmares about the abuse i do not sleep well at all, i am always tire and alsways sad i even get strong urges to engage in self injurious behavior like burning of mu upper arm. alhamdulillah i havent started that yet because i dont want Allah swt to be mad at me i am so sad and am so tired all of the time my grades are slipping, i failed some classes for the first time i cannot hold a job for more than a couple of weeks i live on a budget of about $800 a month i need to work to get through school i just cant hold down a job i need help i do not have insurance, but the school counseling center gave me some referrals for affordable counselors i was in counselling, it barely helped i pray, i fast, i make dua to allah what can i do to get better i am so sad and lonely i talked to a good imam, he suggestst that i get married i would love to be married again, marriage is half of the faith and is a beautiful gift from God the only problem is that i am afraid that i am not in a good frame of mind to get married i am also scared to death to get married again, what if he is also abusive my first husband was religious, practicing, prayed was in a halaqa, and even did dawah what can i do? i hope i get an answer soon.
Dear sister My advice to you is to remember that, all of us are to be tested. You have been tested with a bad husband. You should not be afraid of getting married for the second time. You just need to be very careful in accepting any one as your husband. You should see marriage counselor. I think if you are blessed with a good husband, your depression will go away. So, pray to Allah to bless you with a good husband.

Question: Can parent force their daughter to someone she does not like? Assalamualaikum I have read some questions on this site, and there are issues about the after effects of arranged marriages. I have a situation in which the parents want to force their daughter to marry someone from their caste, while the daughter wants to marry a person whom she knows since 4 years, who is not from the same caste as theirs. The parents come up with verses from the quran that stress on obeying parents, and the whole family puts the pressure on the girl and she eventually gives up. I want to know about the priorities, in matters of marriage Islam has given the final say to the bride and groom and is it ok to cheat on your husband or wife to please your parents? Is it what Islam teaches? Shouldn't we be Just in our decisions like explained in verse 135 of Chapter 4?
Answer: Brother Adnan Assalamu Alaykum Indeed, Islam imposes upon children to obey their parents. As far as marriage is concerned, the Prophet gives a daughter the right to reject any one her parents propose to her for marriage. However, if the suitor is not a practicing Muslim, the parents have the right to prevent their daughter from marrying him. Unfortunately, most parents do not follow the Islamic guidance in marriage these days,. The parents of that girl were wrong.

Question: Talking to opposite sex Question my husband is on the computer all day long and sometimes chats with females, sin or
Answer: Basically, a Muslim male should not have unnecessary conversation with any female who is not his mahram. If your husband is just having unnecessary chat with females, he should stop doing that, otherwise he will become a victim of shaytan. If the chat he was having with the females was inappropriate, Islamically speaking, he is committing a sin. .

Question: Separation QuestionComments: my husband commited zina when we were seperated for financial reason, with in a span of nine months helived as non-believer and fathered two kids by two diferent girls any ways when I found out I removed myself away and he then came to me saying he was repented and was regretful about every thing that he did and wanted to get back to gether and so i did we had one duaghter andnow two years later we had our second one the advice had initialy got was to let him truely repent and then go back to him if i wanted to and now i was told we neede to remary because our mariage was unauled I'm so confused I feel that I did some thing wrong, I look at my son and two daughters and wonder what to do Insha-Allah you can help me jazakul-Allah your sister in islam
Answer: If your husband did not pronounce divorce and you just separated for 9 months and then got back together, you are still Islamically married.

Question: can Muslim female marry to non-Muslim question: I am a 26 year old Muslim girl, who is in love with a 26 year old non-Muslim. This is my second letter. Can I marry him?
Answer: Sister Aisha I think I have already answered you question. As a Muslim woman, you cannot marry a non-Muslim. You have to make your choice between Allah and the non-Muslim you fell in love with. The ball is in your court.

Question: ASSALAMALAIQUM, IN UR PREVIOUS E-MAIL U HAVE TOLD ME THAT ORAL SEX IS PERMITTED BUT ANAL SEX IS NOT ALLOWED IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I M THANKFUL TO U FOR PUTTING ME ON THE RIGHT PATH. I HAVE TO ASK FEW MORE QUESTIOS.BUT I WILL ASK THESE QUESTIONS VERY FRANKLY BECAUSE IF I GONNA SHY, I CAN NEVER EXPLAIN MY PROBLEM IN FRONT OF U SO IF U FEEL ME FRANK PLZ FORGIVE ME AS SEXUAL DRIVE AND DESIRE IS VERY POWERFUL DESIRE OF BODY, AND AREAL MUSLIM SHOULD BE RESTRICTED TO HER WIFE ONLY, SO IT IS ONLY HER WIFE WHO HAS TO SATISFY HER HUSBAND SO I HAVE TO ASK 1) CAN A MUSLIM HUABAND KISS AND LICK EACH N EVERY PART OF THE BODY OF HER MUSLIM WIFE( BY EVERY PART I MEAN BREASTS, NIPPLES , HIPS , VAGINA ETC..SORRY FOR BEING SO MUCH STRAIGHT FORWARD 2)IS THIS NECESSARY TO HAVE SEX IN A SINGLE POSITION OR IT CAN BE PERFORMED IN ANY DESIRED WAY? ,( OFFCOURSE THE SEX WILL BE NATURAL i.e ,IN THE VAGINA. 3) IS THIS NECESSARY TO EJACULATE SPERMS WITHIN THE VAGINA OR IT CAN BE EJACULATED OUTSIDE HER OR ON HER BODY ON ANY OTHER PART? PLZ ANSWER ME FOR ALL THESE THREE QUESTION BY SHOWING UR SPECIAL IMPORTANCE TOWARDS ME. ONCE AGAIN I REQUEST TO FORGIVE ME FOR MY FRANKNESS.I SHALL BE REALLY OBLIGED.
Answer: Dear Muhammad There is no shyness in Islam. The answer to the three questions you asked is yes. You can do that.. I think you are watching too much of sexy movies. If you do not stop watching such movies, you will fall into a big moral crisis.

Question: Nikah and Rukhsati
ASSALAAMALAIQUM IF NIKAH IS CARRIED OUT BUT THE MARRIAGE IS STILL LEFT THAT IS " RUKHSATI " IS LEFT.SO CAN HUSBAND PERFORM SEX WITH HER WIFE IN SUCH A CONDITION
Answer: What do you mean by " Nikah is carried out"? If nikah is performed and the walimah is delayed, indeed, the husband can have sex with his wife.

Question: Getting Married to a Salafi
Dear brother, I would like to get married to a pious muslim man who is following the way of the salaf. I have been having problem because I he does not want me to get an education and I am afraid that he will not allow me to see my family because they are not Muslim. My family consists of just my mother, sister, and baby nephew and are good woman. It is just them in the household and I fear for the financial future of my family. I also do not want to abandon them or take away their visiting rights with my kids as long as they do not practice haram things around them. I would like to get an education so that if anything happens to my husband I will have means to take care of myself, for the sake of helping the muslim community and also to increase my own knowledge of Islam. My prospective husband wishes me not to get an education except by his hand and only in the home. I do not believe that this will give me a quality education. I do not need to work during my marriage since I would rather ! devote my time to Islam and my marriage but school is vitally important to me (even it is part time). Is it Islamically correct to ask me not to get my education? Are there any hadiths to support the idea of me attaining my education? And what right does a husband have in controlling his wifes contact with her family and should he try to support them as much as he can during our marriage. Alhumdullilah for your service. I really appreciate it and pray soon for your.
Answer: Dear sister Asalamu alaykum Indeed, you should look for a pious Muslim husband, who will allow you to pursue your education. It's haram to abandon your non-Muslim parents or relatives. Islam strongly encourages strengthening the tie with your relatives regardless of their religion. We pray that Allah will bless you with a good husband

Question: What is Ila?
Does it mean divorce to wife if husband intentionaly abstain/ abandon his wife for forty days? If yes,is it considered as one divorce or complete three? jazak Allah
Answer: Aassalamu Alaykum Ila is when a husband decides not to share bed with his wife as an expression of anger with her. He can abstain from having sex with her for four months. After four months, the husband must have sex with her. If he refuses, she can ask for divorce on that basis. Anyway, this custom is not known in the west, so don't introduce it.

Question: Is my marriage still valid?
Dear Sir, I am Muslims and my wife too, we are in Kazakhstan and cannot find a person to help. I am recently married and having very happy life in all aspects but due to some unkown reasons I am psychologically highly under pressure, I love my wife much and under that pressure i repeated these words so many times in my heart and did not say anything orally from mouth that " I AM DIVORING YOU OR I DIVORCE YOU" I am really upset that weather my marriage is still valid or not. My wife does not know anything about that. She is asking me every time that why I am upset, but I cannot tell her anything. PLEASE HELP ME. I am waiting for you reply ASAP.
Answer: Dear brother in Islam Assalamu Alaykum Your marriage is still valid. Allah does not hold you responsible for what your mind or heart suggests to you. In an authentic hadit of the Prophet, he said: Whoever intends to do something bad but does not do it, will get a reward for that. As long as you didn't say to your wife "I divorce you", your marriage remains valid

Question: Child custody
Assalam-o-Alaikum, Myself and my wife are both Muslims (Alhamdolillah). We have been married for the past 5 years and have a 4 year old daughter. We have been having our differences. Now we are getting to a point where it is becoming impossible to live together. I fear Allah and know that Allah doesn't like divorces. I have investigated in different Hadith books. But Muslims are left with the option of divorce if the differences becomes impossible to work out. Please advice me in the light of Quraan and Sunnah and Hadith as to how do we decide about the child as to who does she stay with after parent's divorce. I know it's extremely important for the child to have both parents together but there can be circumstances where it becomes impossible for them to live together. I have no doubt in my mind that even though parents don't get along, they both still love the child.
Answer: My advice to you is to try your possible best to keep your marriage. However, if the divorce is your final decision, then the child should stay with his mother until he reaches certain each (7-10). At that age, the child can choose whom he would like to stay with provided he or she will be in the best interest of the child. Marriage: My wife is ignorant about Islam Assalam-o-Alaikum, We need your help, and hopping you will solve this problem or confusion. I am in Kazakhstan and here generally people have very least knowledge about Islam, though they call themselve muslims but they are very strange kind of muslims, true secular muslims vecause they live Soviet Era. Due due the language barrier we cannot ask this question to loca Imam. That's we are sending this question to you, please reply this question ASAP. We will be very thankful to. For us now it is very big problem. The problem is one of our Muslim friend from UAE has recently been married here in Kazakhstan to Kazakh Muslim woman dnf after marriage he came to knew that his wife has zero knowledge about Islam, he did nor realized before.She had recalled the name of religiog ISLAM with very difficulty even though she called herself as muslim and believe in GOD. Due to secular society, she thinks that any muslim woman can marry to any man of any religion like hindus and Christians etc. She has been eating pork products like bacon, sausages and other products. Not sure that she was eating pork or not. But now she is not eating these things as for as we know, not at least in front of her husband but at parents home no body knows, any way. She was also using wine and alcohal in the past but now she is not using any more. They married in Mosque and had Nikah in the mosque according to Islamic Procedure. She did not know any thing about ablution or WOOZOO and nothing about Islamic shower "TAHARAT" after having sex with husband. She also did not know anything about basic princiles of ISLAM, and cannot read Quran and does not know KALAMA-e-TAYYABA which is the basic thing to become a muslim. She always reluctant to talk about Islam and always keeps this discussion as pending. Our friend is going to move to UAE now and that his wife should learn something before going to UAE but she says that she will learn there but our friend feels that his wife is not serious to learn Islamic teachings and still shows her secular behaviour. The problem is that now our friend is worried that: 1. In what category of Islam -his wife falls. 2. Weather she is muslim or not. 3. If she muslim then what is ststus of marriage, is it a marriage or not. need to have NIKAH again or not because she does not know anything about Kalama-e-Tayyaba and not able to read it. 6. Do they need to marry (NIKAH) again after learning the basic principles of Islam or not, Like Kalama-e-Tayyaba, NAMAZ, ROZA, HAH and ZAKAT etc. Please guide us on this matter ASAP because our friend is really upset now and leaving in the 2nd week of Feb to UAE. He does not what what to do. Please help us to save his family life. Assalamu Alaykum Your brother's wife is a Muslimah who is simply ignorant about her religion. She was born and raised as you mentioned, in a communist country. Your friend should be patient with her. He has to teach her Islam. They don't need to have a new nikah.

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